Well it's snowing again

The snow doesn't really bother me. I'm not one of those that gets all freaked out, and I can def drive in the stuff so I actually like to sit back and watch it snow. And it helps tremendously to know that every time it snows Chuck can go out and make tons of $$. This winter he is also plowing drivways after work. So I say let it snow, let it snow.

Today is my day off, with no child, and I plan on making a day of it. I wish I had more days off when DS is gone, but I'll make do with the 2 I do have. I'm hoping to find some after Christmas sales. I'm looking to buy xmas decoractions, next years winter coats, boots etc and basically anything else that is a good deal. I'll let you know what I find.

Crazy, Crazy, Crazy

It's been for ever since I posted. My life has kinda been hectic and crazy. As I posted before, my stepdaughter got out of jail and it seems like every day since then there has been 1 thing or another. We really don't know what to do with her. Truely we have just about given up on her. She is a true cleptomaniac (sp), she can't keep her hands to herself. She seems to steal everything around her. You would think a person who just got out of jail, who's still on probation would stay out of trouble. But I guess this is just ingrained in her. It's pretty bad when you don't trust your own daughter and you feel like patting her down every time she leaves your house.

Boy sure wish I was trying this month. I had a + opk on Tuesday morning, with really strong O pains on Christmas Eve night! Bummer only if I had some sperm around I could have made a baby on Christmas. Not sure when I'll be trying again. I kinda slacked off and haven't followed up with finding out what my insurance will or won't cover. But thinking that I'll just go to Dr and see what he says and pay if I have to.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas. Ours was pretty good. Now we're just sitting back and watching it snow everyday.

It's been awhile

Since I posted but there's been a lot going on. First off we've had major issues with my step-daughter. I won't go into much detail tonight since I'm too tired, but lets just say she messed up big time and isn't really welcome at our house right now! We've also had a MAJOR snow storm here. We set a new record for most snow fall in a 24 hr period-25inches I believe. At our house we have about 30 inches!!! But it was the nice fluffy, dry kind so don't have to worry too much right now about shoveling off our roof. And just in the nick of time we bought another Dodge truck, this one is older to add a plow to. So DH got the plow on and has been out plowing roads for the last 2 days. Around here that can add up to big money. I say "Let it snow, let it snow" that way we can pay for that truck! lol

I'm super tired tonight and plan on going to bed early. I luckily have this weekend off to finish up my Christmas shopping, gift wrapping and More shoveling.

Oh and not sure if I posted early that AF came right on time, just like I suspected it would. Oh well I felt that it wouldn't be my month. Not planning on trying this month since it will be right on xmas, and this time of year is stressful enough without throwing that into the mix too. To all those that are trying this month, Good Luck.

Well AF showed right on time

As I expected AF showed her ugly face right on time this cycle. I did hope the B12 would lengthen my cycle, but not yet. It may have strengthened my uterine lining though. Normally I have a lite cycle, but so far it's been heavier than normal. I'm not complaining, b/c I think I have 2 problems: shorter lp and possible thin uterine lining.

This may be TMI but what does it mean when AF has Major clots? Once in awhile I will have some smaller clots with AF, but this morning while showering I had 2 bigger ones pass. It was kinda gross and I was wondering why that happens. Is it that the B12 worked and thats all, or does that indicate a problem of some sort? If anyone has any idea please let me know.

Quick Update

Ok, so I am 9dpo and feeling nothing. Really feeling like this months a bust. But will keep positive until AF shows her ugly head.

My lovely step-daughter goes to court tomorrow. She's now been in jail over 60 days!! And according to her: it's nothing, no big deal. Not sure what will happen to her, I have to work so will have to call the jail in the afternoon to find out if they released her out on probation again or sent her packing for the rest of her time: 6 months! Plus sounds like she'll have some new charges soon, the paperwork is already in front of the prosecutor and will be just a matter of time before she's officially charged with theft.

We put up our christmas tree sunday. I am in desperate need of new decorations, but we made it work and DS is happy. He wakes up before me and turns the lights on, he likes them to twinkle. He has his first christmas program on thursday. Super excited for that. His class will sign 2 songs. I will try to post a video but no promises since I'm not that tech savy.

Only 15 days till christmas eve! Yikes.

Just a little misunderstanding

Thank you all for your words of support. No my Thanksgiving wasn't the best all b/c my dh and I had a small misunderstanding. Here's a little history:
my dh and I have been together 12 yrs! And for the majority of those years when he would get upset he becomes quiet and doesn't want to talk about it. So the first couple years or so when this would happen I would repeatedly ask him "what's wrong" but that wouldn't get me anywhere. And so I gave up asking him, and have since left him alone and after a day or so life seems to go on. Well for some reason this time he was upset that I DIDN'T ask him what was wrong! He thought that it meant I didn't care. I tried explaining to him (again why I didn't ask him and once he understood that than we talked about what upset him and I agreed that NEXT time (and I'm sure there will be a next time lol) I would ask him and we would talk about it.

So So Thanksgiving

This was not one of my best Holidays, which is sad b/c I LOVE Thanksgiving. Wednesday I send DS to my mom's house, and Wed night we had some friends over. But Thursday I had to work and by Friday me and DH were having a misunderstanding so even though I cooked a good dinner, dressed up nice and had friends over it was really just a bummer of a day! Timing this month for AI wasn't the best due to Holiday and both mine and donors schedule. We AI'ed late Wed night but pretty sure I didn't O until mid-morning on Saturday. So with timing not the best and a general yucky mood I'm not holding out much hope for this cycle. And if this IS a BFN, then O time will be around x-mas; if that holds true then I will NOT be trying in December. Which I'm OK with b/c I truely dislike christmas time.

DS comes home today. It was a nice reprieve from the constraints of children. By that I mean, I could just pick up and go, I could have a cold beer and not feel guilty, I could have a little more freedom. Don't get me wrong; it was nice, but I missed him terribly.

What I'm thankful for today is that even though it snowed it didn't stick around too long!!

clothes shopping

So Saturday I went clothes shoppin! I haven't bought clothes in a long time an I was super excited b/c I'm in a smaller size! Yah. I spent a small fortune but felt so good I didn't really care. I'm in Love w/Maurice's, and the customer service was great. the sales girl was awesome, she ran around that whole store and found every Long pant there was, in 2 diff sizes even since I've lost a little and not sure what size fits best. I bought 3 pants, 3 shirts and 1 sweater. there were several other sweaters I wanted but had to resist since as mentioned before the total was already at a small fortune. told dh that for xmas a gift card there would be perfect.

****thankful for the sun shinning today!******

Paying off Debt

A little history here, last year a week before Christmas my DH was laid off from work! I wasn't working and it put us in a terrible bind. I had a little cash, but not much. He got a whopping $220/wk unemployment and he made a little under the table in cash. But basically for 4 months we scrimped and lived off of our credit cards and tax return. Unfortunately that put roughly $8000 on our credit cards, plus 1 already had almost $4000 on it. Now I know $12,000 in cc debt is not much for some, but those cards were almost paid off last year and it's been driving me crazy to have that much debt. So for a couple of months now I've been paying A LOT extra on 1 card in the hopes of paying that 1 off and paying a little extra on the the other 2. I figure I'm working now so there's extra money right there, plus we've been blessed with a fresh donor since summer and I've been able to put what I normally would be spending on sperm towards my debt! So yesterday I calculated what I need to pay every month towards the 1 to pay it off in 6 months! I'm excited and hope that I will be able to continue with this plan.

I know this is a tough time for most people, but anyone else able to pay off debt?

Shipping my son

off to Grandma's house for Thanksgiving. I have to work and am cooking a dinner on Friday but when I asked DS if he wanted to stay home with me and dad or go to grandma's house well of course I lost out. It was to be expected. He has a lot of fun down there and it's the only time to see some of the family. So looks like he'll go down Wed and then be picked up Sunday. I guess it will be a nice break for me and DH.

**What I am thankful for today-a good job in this uncertain economy!**

What I'm thankful for

I am thankful for many things and in an effort to narrow it down to just 1 a day: I will start with that I am thankful for my DH. Even though we don't always see eye to eye, and we are complete opposites I love him and know that he loves me. After 12 years together we many ups and downs we're still going strong and know that we will be together forever.

Update: my son is doing better! He's still on meds but is improving nicely. I took him back to Dr yesterday b/c I was unsure, but Dr said he was ok to return to school. Bad of me I know I didn't tell the school what he had. Dr said as long as the 1 sore was covered and he left it alone he wouldn't be any more contagious than the next kid. I was glad to hear that b/c I don't have anyone to watch him while I work.

Oh & on a sad note AF started Sunday! :( I kinda knew from the start that I wouldn't be lucky this month. I am undecided if I'll try this next cycle. I should be Oing around thanksgiving or that wkend and I have to work. So I will let you know how it goes.

Just want to say "What the Heck"

My son has Never had so many Dr trips in 1 period as he has this year!! Awhile back he had Pinkeye. His first ever case with that. He had his trip to the ER last week and now he has impetigo!! It's a form of staph infection. Yikes. He has 2 mysterious, one on his ear and one on his scalp. They started out as red bumps, I thought he'd just hit his ear on something and forgot all about them. Until Thursday night I saw that they were both oozing fluid! Yuck, well I cleaned them up with peroxide and put salve on them. Finally got in with Dr Friday evening and Dr barely glanced at them and proclaimed- Impetigo. And he must be a little concerned b/c pharmacist said he was prescribed a heavy dose of meds. Dr said if it doesn't look like it's getting better by Monday to come back. So we wait and see and luckily the medicine doesn't taste bad or I would have trouble getting the 2tsp 3x daily down his throat. lol Will keep you all updated.

Just feel like crying

It's just one of those days. I'm miserable, getting sicker; now along with my snotty nose I'm getting a dry cough and snot is turning green again!! (Sorry if TMI) And to top it all off I'm sure that AF is coming to see me tomorrow. Right on Time. That means that all the things I've done this cycle didn't even postpone her 1/2day!! I feel so defeated, which isn't like me. I'm the glass is half full kinda person, but just not today. Nothing seems to be working out. Maybe it was my attitude this whole month, kinda neg from the start. I just couldn't let my hopes get up again only to have disappointment. But what I got was a shitty attitude for a month WITH the disappointment. This was only my 4th try with fresh, 4th month in a row of ttc. I just don't know how many of you do this month after month after month with no results. I don't see myself being able to do that. Sure I would try a couple of months, but then would have to have a break before going again. Wishing I could curl up on the couch with a good book and doze off and on all day, but of course I know that won't happen b/c I have soo much to do on my day off!

Drinking my Water

I posted once before that I was trying to drink all my daily water and eat healthier. Well, I've stuck with drinking water but that healthy eating part is gonna have to wait. LOL Before I was never a water drinker. Hated the taste and the fact I would live my life in the bathroom was enough to keep me away. But I must say it's been 3-4wks now and it's gotten so much easier to just fill up a glass, drink it and do it again and again! The bathroom trips have leveled off, I go about the same amt of times as before I just have a lot more coming out now. lol The biggest bonus I could see this month was I'm sure it was the water that increased my CM. Normally I have 1 to 1.5 days of EWCM, this month I had about 5 days of water/EWCM. Much better than before. Oh and even better between working now and drinking my water I have lost about 10-15 lbs!!! I just love the fact that my clothes aren't as tight on me and I've gone down almost 2 sizes. I had let myself get into a size 15 (loose on me) and now I am very close to needing a 12!! I don't think I've been that size since high school. Very exciting stuff.

Did you know that the majority of people walk around in a state of dehydration! Crazy huh. But between coffee, soda and everything else people don't crab water anymore. Before the most fluid intake I ever had was 2 cups coffee daily. I hope I encourage at least 1 person to start drinking water.

Someone please turn off the spout

It has been raining here for over a week. I feel like I'm living in Seattle. I don't typically dislike the rain, but enough is enough. So I'm asking that someone please turn off the spout, and be quick about it. lol :)

DS first trip to ER

So last night I had to take DS to ER. And here's why: he had gotten a glow stick necklace from the $ store yesterday and after a fit of a tantrum he broke it and it started to leak glow stuff. We threw it away and I went about my business. I was trying to get my PJ's on when I hear "MY EYES!!!". Seems he had gotten the thing out of the trash and it had squited into his eyes. I quickly tried to flush out his eyes with water and he just keeps crying that it's burning and hurting. I tied visine but that too didn't work. I quickly called the local Urgent Care and explained to them what happened and asked what should I do and should I bring him there or to Er or what. Well after being put on hold twice they told me to go to ER. We live 15 mins away and the whole way he was a super brave champ. He calmly sat in back seat with a wet cloth over his eyes. We finally get there and he gets out and opens his eyes and in wonder say "Oh I can see". Well I figured we're here we better just make sure there was no harm done. And after 2 hrs he was pronounced fine and we were let out. Hoping that all future trips to ER are as simple and painless as this one turned out to be.

Family

Anyones family just really drive them crazy? My mom really annoys me, always has probably always will. She says her medication makes her forgetful, I don't really care it still annoys me that I have a convo with her 1 day only to have to repeat myself (sometimes several times) the next day. I know kinda petty, but if your mother never seemed to remember anything you tell her you'd get annoyed too.

She keeps asking me about Thanksgiving. See my family lives 2hrs away and with work I haven't been down since summer. But everytime she talks to me she asks if I'm coming down or not. I have to tell her AGAIN that my schedule isn't out until this wk!! So then she asks about the wkend after, Again I have to tell her it's my wkend to work.

I am excited to see the family and hope I get Thanksgiving off. Mostly I want to see my baby niece. She's only 9mo old and she's this close to walking already! Plus I love to eat, and 1 thing my family does well is cook and EAT! But I've figured out on the calendar that IF this cycle doesn't work, I'd be Oing around Thanksgiving! And using Fresh I would have to skip this cycle. I'm almost not willing to miss out. So I'm undecided, maybe I'll place an order and lug it along to my mothers (not fun), maybe I'll make up an excuse and not even go! Guess we'll just have to see. Maybe this will just be my month and I'll finally get a BFP to stick!! A girl can dream can't she?

So I've already warned you

that my life is sometimes crazy. My step-daughter has been in county jail for 40 days now, and she's looking at another 7 months. We get the periodic letter from her and after reading them I get so angry with her. She repeatedly states "it's not bad in here". We have hoped and prayed that she would have a "wake up" call but that doesn't look like that's going to happen any time soon. She recently stole a purse and other items from the local amusement park. She might get several felonies from her actions and yet she admits no guilt or responsiblity. Repeatedly says it's no big deal, it was only $60!!! Uggg at times me makes me sick. She has no respect for anyone or their possessions. She thinks she can just mooch off everyone she meets and that's the most she expects out of life. We have tried our best to show her work ethic, respect, but it doesn't seem to matter.

Sorry to be so negative.

Just a word of Caution

Some of you may remember when I mc I also had the misfortune of gettting a head cold 2 days later. Well guess what-I STILL have it!! And I blame it all on the stupid flu shot. Don't listen to them-DO NOT get this if you are feeling even slightly sick. I am never sick this long and yet this snot will not leave my head. I've even been taking my Vit C again and Nothing is working. My poor nose is rubbed raw and all scabbed over. I'm just plain sick of being sick. Yuck and winter hasn't even begun. :(

Saving Money

There was a recent post on another board I visit about being low on funds and such. So I just wanted to talk about what I do to save money. I do all the usual things, but the #1 thing I do that saves our family tons is I use Coupons. Now some might laugh and only picture little old ladies that use them; but really I found this great company (www.thegrocerygame.com) that keeps track of the coupons and monitors store sales, matches them up and tells you what is a good deal. I've been couponing for over 2 years now and I'm still addicted. The savings can be outrageous. I've even gotten free stuff before! Now you tell me where else you can get something for free these days. My cupboards and fridge are always full. We have an upright freezer that is full of goodies, meat, veggies etc. I urge all my ttc buddies to try it out. It's super easy.

Get your coupons every Sunday, clip them and save them everyweek. Get your store list and go shopping. ONLY buy what is on the list as a good deal. That's an important thing to remember-Trust the List. So you buy what is on your List, then your NEEDS at a cheaper store. For me I shop the List at Albertsons, and my needs at Walmart. And let me tell you I'm so stocked up some weeks I don't even need to shop!

So I encourage everyone, short of $ or not, it's always great to save where you can. If any one would like to try it I will send you my email and I can earn a referal from you trying it. Also any ?'s, please ask and I will try my best to explain better.

HodgePodge

Warning: this will be a rather hodge podge kind of post. So please forgive me. Timing this month has been good with AI. I believe I'm O'ing today, so with fresh AI Friday night and Sunday night should be good. I'm positive but after last months heartache it's hard to get too excited. I just keep thinking, last month worked and I've done everything basically the same so we shall see. I'm starting prog cream tomorrow. Hoping it's strong enough to make a difference. If I get a +, then I'm hightailing my hinie into Dr's office and demanding a beta and prog test. I'm unsure if I should keep drinking my tea during tww. I've heard contradictory things about vitex, can't seem to find a good answer on if it should be taken while pg or not. See if I can't dig something up online today.

Something new today, I'm meeting a fellow blogger for coffee. I'm not the best at making new friends. I've always been on the shy side and have a hard time branching out of my comfort zone.

We found out the other day that our friends 19yr old daughter is about 2 months pg. I'm worried for her and baby since she has been going down rough road in life by doing drugs. I'm not for sure when was the last time she used or not. I hope to talk to her about "growing up" and doing what's right for this baby. I'm not too hopeful that she will be able to put this baby first in her life and start making better life decisions. I picture her dumping this baby on her grandparents and her skipping out. But who knows she might surprise us. It was also very hard to hear that she has achieved unwillingly and unknowingly what I've only been able to dream about. It's in those moments that I have my own little pity party and think how unfair life is!

finally i see a :)

My body totally tricked me a couple of days ago. I woke up, checked my cervix and I swear it was SHOWing, but tested with OPK and -! And it's been that way every time since then, until this morning!! Yeah. Positive OPK this am at 9, will then AI tonight at around 8:30 or so. I'll officially be in the tww come monday morning. Note to self: it's been exactly 1month to the day since last AI, which was chemical pg. so here's to history repeating itself (sort of) only with a better outcome.

O'ing Early

So here it is cd 11 and I'm O'ing early. I wasn't even gonna start using OPK's until tomorrow, thank god I monitor my cervix or I would be missing out this month!! Had already wasted fmu so will opk in an hr or 2 with digital. I'm sure I'll be seeing a smiley. Now all I'll have to do is arrange for special "donation" tonight and friday. I'm so excited.

What if's

Nerves. Stress. Those are just some of the things I'm feeling as O time approaches. I'm excited that I'm trying again, to have the Potential of a + is overpowering. But at same time I'm nervous, What if it works only to end in chemical again. What if it doesn't work. What if it does and I'm able to carry it. The what if's are driving me crazy.!! So today I'm glad I'm working so the What if's don't have time to completely drive me over the edge. But watch out come Friday, my day off plus that much closer to O I'll be a basketcase.

Side note: after mc I re-read all my ttc books, ordered a new one off Amazon and requested several from the library. So soon I'm going to do brief book reports on them all in an effort to save someone else from having to read them all. lol As some are good and others I'm amazed they even got published.

My poor DH

I called him yesterday on 1 of my work breaks and he tells me he hit the windshield. What! He drives Dump Truck and he was dumping a load and the piston (the thing that pushes the truck bed up) broke!! and it flew forward, smashed the back of cab and he flew first up to hit the roof and then forward and hit the windshield!! Of course I was concerned but he's such a toughy that he blew it off, that he was fine. Well he was OK, but dazzed. He's typically worked as a Logger his whole life and he's been hurt pretty bad and still went on to work full day. So this, with no blood, was nothing. If anyone caught the show "Axemen", that is exactly what he's been through but worse since he's done Logging mostly without the big equipment, so he's the one running around doing all the work.

Feeling slightly better

My cold is hanging around but not soo bad. The pressure is gone, now I'm left with the wonderful snotty nose. My poor nose is all red and irratated. I'm just glad that the cold didn't hang on for weeks. I've been trying really hard to drink all my water everyday and I think it really helped to flush it out of my system. The water also seems to help me sleep better. I'm the type that tosses and turns every 5 mins, and I wake up actually feeling rested. So my tip for the day is DRINK YOUR WATER!

Change of Plans?? Maybe

Well I know that I originally said I wasn't going to AI, but I may be having a change of heart. I saw my donor today and told him about pg and mc. He was bummed. His plans have changed and he may be in town wkend of O time. Sooo I'm thinking about going ahead with AI. I just can't get past this feeling of positive attitude. I mean to be so down early this wk, to bounce back and feel like I should do it, I feel that I should go with my gut. Plus everyone says you're super fertile after mc and I keep having this feeling like What IF I am super fertile and don't I'll have missed my chance. Maybe it's just the total over powering ttc feeling we all get, but I have to go for it. If cycle stays on course and isn't messed up by mc, then O time should be around Halloween or that wkend.

Oh I had a good laugh yesterday

This lady I work with got a picture message on her phone yesterday. And she thought it was a harmless halloween picture and forwarded it off to about 20 people. Well awhile later a guy calls wanting to know who sent this dirty picture to his wife. She was confused and said she sent off a halloween 1 and he told her she better look again. Well she's all upset and I told her to let me see, maybe it wasn't that bad. I open up the phone and it looks like this "white background, (man's white shirt),down lower is the mask off Scary Movie and off to the both sides is tan" Well what she thought was the "tongue" of the mask moving around WAS NOT a tongue!! The mask was in the crotch of a guy-and you can use your imagination to figure out what it really was!! Oh boy did I laugh so hard I was crying and my stomach hurt. I felt really bad for her, but it was so funny what happened I kept giggling about it all night!!

Where has the time gone

Here I am 31 1/2 yrs old and still have not concieved. It's hard to think that as a young 23yr old I figured that my bf and I would immediately get pg and life would be good/normal. Well after that initial yr of trying things went kinda asqew. Maybe I should be happy with the DS we have, be happy with only 1 child; but I just can't let this go. From a very early age I knew I wanted children. In a crowd of people I'm always the one that ignores the grownups and plays with the kids (have always done this). Over the years we've been able to try only sporatically, for 1 reason or another. For a time I simply put it out of my head, I didn't even concider it, I couldn't. But now it's this drive in me, I'm not going to put it off any longer. If it's within our grasp I will do this. Some how some way I will make it work. I'm still hoping to make it a short journey though, I hope that it's something simple, something fixable like a prog shortage that is corrected within the first month of Dr AI. Now wouldn't that be nice.

Side note here: received my fertility tea last night and I brewed some up. The plan is to drink 1 cup in am, 1 cup in pm every day. The book says it may take 2-3 months for tea to help regulate cycle. In that time I'm hoping to see a lengthening in my cycle, if I don't then I will be at Dr by that time. So bottom's up!

Not much to say this morning

Probably b/c my head feels like it's going to explode! I hate being sick. And just what was I thinking volunteering to work Saturday. I could kick myself right now.

Adding that I did confide in my manager on what happened. (See other post) And can I just say how nice everyone is that I work with. They're all super sweet. Anyways, my manager with my permission told my 3 supervisors, and I told 2 co-workers. It wasn't as bad as I expected, I didn't break down hysterically; and I avoided telling everyone.

As if my wk hasn't been bad enough

I'm now SICK!! I tell you life just isn't fair. My head feels like a 1ton weight is on it, my ears hurt, my throat is sore and just all around yucky. And here I had the week end off but volunteered to work Sat to make up for missing Monday. So that means by the time the wkend gets here I'll be totally wiped out and won't even be able to do anything.

To tell or Not to tell that is the question

So on Monday when I started mc, I was so upset and freaked out at work I convinced them I was sick-gonna throw up and they let me leave. I felt bad for lying yet I knew I couldn't make it through work, yet couldn't tell them the truth. Everyone I work with is super nice and I know they will ALL ask me if I'm better, & what not. I'm debating on weather or not to tell them what really happened. As some of us know mc has this sort of stigma attatched to it that you're supposed to handle this privately and I normally keep everything to myself. But for some Crazy reason I Need to tell them, I want to talk about it while the same time I Don't. Does that make sense?

It's just that this mc is so much harder on me. The first time DS was younger and I was younger lol and I could sweep it under the carpet easier and be happy with what I had. Now I'm becoming obsessed with ttc and figuring this whole mc thing out.

Out of the mouth of Babes

As I've said our DS is adopted, and he knows this. Although at 5 he doesn't understand the why's of it yet. He has asked questions like why was I in Aunt Dana's belly? Why did I not stay her baby? In the past these have caught me off guard, mostly b/c he's so darn smart and is putting 2 & 2 together before I'm ready for him to. To date I tell him that he was in her belly b/c that's where God put him, he's our baby b/c God and Aunt Dana JUST KNEW he was meant to be ours. Once he did ask "So Aunt Dana is my other mom, I have 2 moms?" First off let me explain we have Never referred to her as BirthMother, per her request and comfort so I quickly stumbled out a yes and tried to explain that age appropriately.

Anywho, what I really meant to talk about was that last night while tucking him into bed he says he wants to read his "being borned book", a photo album of Aunt Dana, his other siblings, his birth pics and baby pics since then of him with us. He then looks at me and says "why was I in Aunt Dana's belly" and "when will you have a baby in your belly"? These questions yesterday about brought me to my knees. Of all the days for these questions it just had to be yesterday. It instantly brought tears to my eyes and I mumbled some comment and he says "it must take a long time to get pregnant huh?"

Yes dear unfortunately longer for some than others. :(

My plan

After my mc I just can't see myself AI'ing until I have more answers and am under Dr care so hopefully this doesn't happen again. So here goes:Will try my hardest to live a healthier life: eat healthier, be more active, drink 64oz daily of water, get plenty of sleep.

Continue taking pre-natal vits, B-6 to help lengthen my 24day cycles. I think I have low Iron so will Add Molasses to anything and everything I can. This is what my mom fed me as a toddler to help my anemia.

Adding Flax Seed (once I find some) this is said to fight cancer, increase progesterone and reduce allergies, plus it aids in digestion of food. It helps improve bowel regularity, vitality of skin, hair and nails.

I just ordered Fertilitea Fertility tea from babyhopes.com it has Vitex, red raspberry leaf, green tea, ladies mantle, nettle leaf and peppermint. All these ingredients are recommended in "Essential guide to Lesbian conception" as a daily drink to balance hormones.

I bought Pro-gest prog cream at GNC for my spotting, but was too late with mc. I haven't decided if I will use this now or wait to see if tea is working.

Now until Jan 1 I am going to research my insurance to find exactly what they will/won't cover for fertility/infertility. I'm hoping since I work at the hospital they have good coverage for everything.

Oh and I will work on paying off Credit Card debt. This will reduce stress and improve mood.That's the plan anyway. As it changes I will update.

Heartache

Today is day one after an early miscarriage. I am still in a daze and feeling quite drained. To have my greatest dream come true only to be once again snatched away from me is devastating. I was very early in my pregnancy and hadn't told anyone yet, not even my DH. Calling him yesterday in tears is nothing I want to relive. The poor guy was speechless, and I don't blame him. I guess luckily my personality and disposition doesn't allow me to wallow in my own self-pity, even though I wouldn't mind doing that exact thing right now. I am already moving on and trying to form a plan. But perhaps that isn't the best course of action right now. I Should be grieving, I should be crying. But I'm not, I can't; I'm afraid that if I start I might not stop for days.