Fun Day off

Yesterday was my day off and I wasn't quite sure what our plans would be. I struggled with "should I do errand and shopping" or "have a day of fun"? It's really a hard choice at times b/c 1 day off I never get everything done and absolutely nothing done when we do a fun activity. As summer draws to an end I find myself giving in more and more to the idea of funness. So as a surprise I loaded DS up and headed to the local water park. He was super excited. We had tons of fun and couldn't have picked a better day to go since it got close to 100*! Even though I slathered on lots of sunscreen I still got a slight burn on my belly and lower back. I don't think it's bad enough that I'll even peel. And let me just add how much nicer and cleaner this water park was compared to the one we went to 2wks ago!!

****The best part of the night was laying in bed and having the little bean just jumping around. He FINALLY kept it up long enough to get DH and DS to both feel!! I've been feeling him move for some time now, but he's had yet to be consistent enough to have them, so it was a great moment.

Maybe there's just no pregnant women in my town???

I mean that's the feeling I get when I've gone shopping for maternity clothes!! All the major stores have basically NOTHING. Even the dreaded Wal.mart has only 3 shirts and no pants. What's up with that? So with DS and DH out fishing today I headed to the mall. I figured the nicer stores were bound to have some cute clothes right? Wrong! No store in my mall has a maternity section. When I asked the assistant at JCP and she told me that I almost started crying. I was shocked. She told me that I'd have to go to the next city over to their mall. I just wasn't up to that today. So I'm just gonna have to live with my work pants digging into my stomach for 1 more wk until I have a day off, and that's IF I feel up to shopping.

20 Weeks today!!!!!!

Holy Moly where has the time gone? I can't believe I'm already half way there! And this week I officially felt the baby kicking. And I mean kicking, enough to finally feel it on the outside of belly.

I've been on a stay-cation this wk. We had plans to leave town but the plane tickets were just too much. So I've been home with DS and everyday trying to do something fun for him. Today I'm taking him to Splash down! A local water park. I'm hoping it's not too busy, less people seeing my ghostly whiteness and jiggly body. lol

Update on Step-daughter

Ok so anyone who's read my blog knows a little history with her and here's the latest. Basically since she got out of jail this last time she's had a warrant for not going to court. And she's been in the next state hiding out and even refusing to come to Idaho to see us for her birthday (and we bribed with money.) At first she was talking how her and this woman had a plan to stay out of trouble, get their GED's and finish up her court stuff. Well that lasted oh about a wk. Since then when she does call she's either drunk or high or just spouting crap out of her mouth that you don't want to hear about. For instance how her dealer "kidnapped" her b/c her friend ripped them off.

Anywho, the other wk I get a text from her on how sad she is that it's a boy and that she cried and we'll just need to try again. Well this really irrated me since we hadn't even gotten a phone call on DS or my bday. It shouldn't bother me but it did. So I wrote back it's not all about what she wants and she wrote 'well yes it is since I'm the only 1 I care about'. Well ok then, fine. So I quit texting her until last night when she text me. It went something like this:

her: guess what
me: what (and for some odd reason I just knew she'd write: I'm pg!)
her: I'm pregnant
me: for sure
her: yeah but I don't want it
me: too late for that don't you think
her: not really
me: well that's a choice you'll have to live w/the rest of your life

Let me add that she's done this before; the saying she's pg when she's really not. The last time was when her mom died and she thought the guy would want to stick around and then she wouldn't have to come and live with us. That pg never excisted.

Awhile ago we took her to an endocrinologist to check out PCOS; she's got all the classic symptoms plus since the age of 12 she's slept around (a lot) and has never gotten pg. That Dr said she didn't have it but I just didn't agree.

With no way to see her and see for myself that she's really pg I'm stuck with this feeling of she's doing it again for attention, yet at the same time I wonder and worry. I figure if she's really pg (and doesn't terminate) then she'll show up soon looking for our help. If she's not then this pg will just "go away" again like last time. And in the mean time I don't need to stress myself out. I really really really really really hope she's not pg. I know for a fact that she's not willing to give up her drug lifestyle and grow up and put the baby first. This has always been our biggest fear with her. Sorry to ramble, just a lot going through my mind with this.

All in a photo

Where the arrow is, is HIS privates.

A month!!

That's how long it's been since I posted!! Wow I've been a bad blogger. I've just not had much energy to do anything extra. I'm lucky if I get the laundry folded and forget putting it away. Pg is going nicely. No major symptoms. Boobs are bigger, I had to go buy a bigger bra the other day. Yeah a nice perk huh. Tummy looks like I did last summer before I lost 10lbs. So my last Dr apt was a very quick in and out where the Dr found the heartbeat and asked for questions. We agreed that a calcium supp would be a good idea since I DO NOT drink milk. I can't even force myself to drink the stuff unless it's in my cereal. I go back in on my Bday for the BIG ultrasound to hopefully find out if it's the blue or pink team for us. We're all pretty excited. DS is pushing pretty hard for a boy but I keep asking him what if it's a girl? He told my dad "well if it's a girl we can't send it back!" I think he'll be ok though if it is. My SIL gave me a doppler I think it's called. It's just a little unit that you put on the belly and it has headphones to listen with. We tried it the other night and DH, DS and my mom all got to listen and by the time they FINALLY passed it to me it was silence! The little buggar was hiding from me. Pretty cool thing though and sure we'll be using it often.

Nerve wracking Dr apt

I had my first "official" OB apt on Tuesday. It started off ok with just the basic pee in a cup, blood pressure and some questions. The N.P was very nice and we moved right into trying to find the heartbeat. I'm still not feeling pg and told her so and with my history or m/c she understood. She tried for almost 5 mins trying to find the heartbeat with that little doppler thing. And the whole time I'm thinking *see there's a reason I don't feel pg*. She was very nice and reasurred me that that doesn't mean there's no baby, and was able to get my Dr P to do an Ultrasound! Baby was found right where it should be. I was hoping for a better pic, but still ended up with an alien shot, oh well maybe next time. lol

As I'd said before there has been a very unfortunate mix up with my coding with insurance. They put the dreaded *I* word in my code, which I'm not; so I was able to talk to the billing lady and hopefully get most of that straightened out. Looks like I'm stuck paying for the 2 ultrasounds at the time of the IUI, but everything else should be taken care of and hopfully no more stress over that.

I go back to Dr on the 29th. They want to hear the heartbeat before they set me up for the every 4wk apts. There are 3 Dr's and 1 midwife, so I am cycling through them since you never know who you'll get at delivery. I finally told my managers at work. They are super excited, and luckily no questions yet on afterwards if I'm sticking around or not. At this point I'm not sure if I'll be able to work. We told Ds that night also. I tried being all serious and told him the Dr said I had an alien growing inside me. He just looked at me with an amazed look in his eye and said *No sir mom, you're just pregnant!" He seems very excited and we talked about how long it would take to have our baby, and that he can't rough house with me anymore. I let him take one of the new ultrasound pics to school and he told his whole class.

Feeling like Cr**

My son has been sick with a cold the last couple of days, so I knew that it was just a matter of time before I got it. And sure enough sore throat, runny/stuffy nose and feeling run down. As if I'm not tired enough already. I wasn't able to get a hold of my Dr's office yesterday to find out what I can take, so I asked the Walmart pharmacist and he told me there was really nothing safe to take. To stick with cough drops. I thought that sounded weird, I mean there must be something safe to take for a day or two. So for now I'm drinking hot tea with lots of lemon and honey, that helps with the throat but not for the nose. I've yet to get the cough that he has but I'm sure that's on it's way too. So if any of you have any helpful advice please share.

I keep telling my DH that if I'm going to be this tired the whole pregnancy I'm in for a world of hurt. With my hours of work there is absoluetely no time for a nap. And with the 1-2 bathroom breaks throughout the night, I might as well forget about catching up on any sleep. I'm hoping some of the fatigue is caused by the prog supplement and once that's done I might feel slightly better. Well a girl can dream at least.

All is well

Dr apt yesterday went great. Bean is right where it should be. And I saw the most teeniest, tiniest little heartbeat flicker imaginable on that gray scale screen!!! No I can sit back and hopefully get to enjoying this symptom free pg. Both cysts are still there, but if I heard him correctly they're both slightly smaller. Next apt is a "reg OB" visit in 4 weeks. What should I expect on that visit?

Insurance arghh

I am really beginning to understand the frustrations with insurance. I've been checking my EOB's online, patiently waiting to see that the ultrasounds I paid for would be covered 100% and I'd get a credit. I mean that's what my benefits read: diagnostic ultrasounds are covered. So what's the problem? Also, even though the first Dr's visit was listed the same it was listed "in network" and only a copay was required. Well all others since then are listed as full payment required by me??? I do know the Dr's office recently switched who does their billing and perhaps things were miss coded or something, at least that's what I'm hoping.

Here's a insurance ? for those with more knowledge on how these things work: in January I saw a chiropractor and paid full price as those services aren't covered until deductible is met. So anyways the EOB's list his charges submitted to insurance, then they deducted "in Network savings" and list the reduced price as what I should owe Dr. My question is: does that mean I have a credit at the chiropractor's b/c they charged me full price rather than the "in network price"? It's a difference of about $50.

Nothing much

Not much going on right now. I told my close relatives over Easter, they of course were all very happy. I go back on the 22nd for another ultrasound. After this 1 I think I'll really start to believe that this is gonna work out. I'm just shy of 7 weeks and still no major symptoms. I was telling my SIL "I wish I did have morning sickness, at least then I'd feel pg". And I think the no symtom thing is what is really causing me to still have doubts. I've been watching that show "I didn't know I was pg." I find it really hard to believe you could go 9 months without knowing, but with no symptoms I can see why some women could go 2-3 months. If I was a young "normal" girl who knew nothing of her cycle I could easily not suspect.

Happy Easter Everyone

Every year for Easter my mom's mom's side of the family has a huge family reunion, pot luck, and Easter egg hunt. To me it's 1 of the funest things all year. For every person who comes you are to bring 1 dz colored eggs and #'s add up real quick. I'm not sure how many showed yesterday but we had around 850 Eggs!!! Everyone from infants to the golden oldies hunt for eggs. It's major competition, a mad dash to get every egg you can. And I got 13 eggs :( not my best year. Afterwards we all pig out, visit and take lots of pictures. I have lots of memories from these reunions, and I hope it's something my children's children get to experience.

Progressing nicely

So sorry about not posting sooner. Monday's apt was short and sweet. Scan shows 1 little bean safely where she should be. Although it also showed cysts on both ovaries. The left was quite big, he didn't say exactly but the right is the size of a golf ball and this one was way bigger. This one showed a dark area I guess that means I've already bleed into it once. Weird since I haven't really felt anything and not sure what activiy could have caused that since I haven't done anything streneous. I have another apt for April 23 for a scan. That one will be good since by then a heartbeat should show! Super excited for that one. Still no major symptoms and slowly but surely I've getting over my fear that that means bad things. I have a big family reunion this saturday for Easter. I'm pretty sure I'm going to tell everyone then since I only see most of this family once a year. They will be over the moon. At what point do most tell young children? DS is almost 6 and I know I won't tell him until at least 12 wks, but do you wait until much later? He's been asking for a sibling for awhile, so I'm hoping he likes the news. He understands the whole "pregnancy" word too, his teacher is currently pg and he's excited about that.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. The sun is finally shining around here and I can't wait to get out there on my day off and enjoy it!

Misc

Let's see, not a whole lot going on today. DS is coming back from grandma's house, it was a nice break for me. The sun is FINALLY shining around here, it's about time is all I have to say about that. Step-daughter hasn't given us any problems, however she's basically "fallen off the face of the earth" since she hasn't called since she got out. Who knows what kind of trouble she's off getting into. We do worry about her since she's basically homeless, bouncing from couch to couch, but since she doesn't see a problem with that there's nothing much we can do. My Dr's apt is tomorrow. I'm feeling a little more confident about this pg, but will feel so much better after ultrasound (assuming it's all good of course). Wishing I had more symptoms to confirm what's going on in there. Still only symptoms to report is: slightly tender breasts, early am waking for bathroom and that's about it!!! I'm working tomorrow, so won't be able to report until night time on how apt went.

count down

I'm not ready to start counting down this pg just yet. I'm taking baby steps b/c I still have lots of worry about m/c. So for now I'm counting down until April 6th, my first ultrasound to see the sac. I think after this innitial apt I'll start to feel a little more confident since that would be the longest I've made it in a pregnancy.

6 days to go

Update on me

So I'm at 18dpo today. Still no real symptoms. Basically my nipples are more sensitive, and I've been waking up early to pee and then can't go back to sleep. That last 1 is sooo not me, I hate early mornings and love to sleep in. With my history of early m/c having no symptoms is very hard not to freak out and worry all the time. I'm just trying to enjoy this and not stress. I need to call Dr office this am to schedule my ultrasound on the 6th. I'm so super nervous about seeing more than 1 in there. I keep thinking: twins would be ok, I could deal with that; but the thought of triplets about sends me over the edge! Totally freaks me out. So this first scan will help ease my mind a little.

The 1 thing that has me really stressed is that tomorrow my step-daughter gets out of jail again. This time she's been in just shy of 3months. Since I wrote a very to the point letter about her stealing and us not agreeing with that, she hasn't wrote us back. She did call on our Anniversary, I wasn't home to speak with her but DH did and it's so hard to know if she's telling you the truth or not. She might be moving in with some chick she met in jail and supposedly watching her kids! But again that's what she did last time and her and the lady ran around and stole from everyone. And I figure anyone she's hooking up with in jail is probably not the best influence. But the main reason I'm stressed is that you can trust her as far as you can throw her! It's back to locking everything up again: the shed, house, DS four wheeler, cars; everything. And if she comes to visit you practically have to pat her down everytime she leaves a room to see what she's stuffed in her pockets. She's to go back to court on the 10th, we'll see if she goes. More often than not she chooses to run until she's caught, that way she can "have fun" until then. The girl's pretty messed up and I just keeping 1 day she'll "grow up" and change the course of her life, but as more and more time goes by I realize that might never happen.

Beta results

Ok so Tuesday beta: 33, today: 99. It tripled in 72 hours. I will have an ultrasound in 10 days. Dr says by then he can see a sac. Also important to remember is that 3 follies ruptured so hopefully we can see how many are in there! I still have no real symptoms, that makes it a little harder to believe. I'm now just trying to sit back, take a deep breath and try to get that sure feeling I had before. I'm hopful the prog is doing it's job and that this little bean will stick.

Waiting, waiting, waiting

i really hate to wait. I go in for repeat beta today and will have to wait about 4hrs. But I'll be at work and I can't check my messages until my break. If results aren't in at 1:30 at my first break then I'll have to wait until 4!! :( I won't be able to post the #'s until I get home after 8pm.

Different Test

and it still reads PREGNANT!!!! I bought the ept digital last night and used it first thing this am. According to peeonastick these tests are to be LESS sensitive, reading 50mIU instead of the typical 25. I figure my beta of 33 by now would have doubled therefore giving me the + test. That hopefully proves that it wasn't the shot still in my system on Tuesday. I'm still in shock and not quite beliving it yet. Not until I get tomorrows results confirming beta went up! And then for the next couple of weeks worrying that it won't stick. I've never gotten past the 6wk mark so I won't completly relax for awhile.

Just a feeling

It's hard to explain but the cycle of my BFP in October (early m/c) from very early on in cycle "I just knew it would work" I can't explain why, I just had this feeling. Even on 10dpo when I woke up with cramps, bloating and upset stomach; all signs of AF and with a Negative pg test I still just had this feeling. Every day I tested and it was negative but I just had a feeling, with no pg symptoms. Finally on 13dpo the test was Positive, just like I knew it would be.

Well even though that cycle didn't work out for us, I've stayed positive. This cycle I've had the same feeling. Perhaps it's just that I trust the Dr so much, but I haven't stressed or overanalyzed everything it's been the most relaxing cycle yet. With the way my cycle lined up with our anniversary and Dh's bday, I just knew we should go ahead with Dr ast. We were going to try 1 last month at home, but something was telling me to go with the Dr. And so at very last minute we arranged for the AI, and I've just had a positive feeling ever since.

So I went ahead and tested yesterday, and when it came back positive I was on the moon. Now this limbo time until Friday's repeat test is driving me bonkers! I still have that feeling but I'm doubting myself. The thing I hate the most is having hope about something, "getting that thing" and then having it taken away. I'm much better with just hoping and wishing, and if it happens it happens but I'm not crushed. Does that make sense? So until Friday ladies. Wish me luck.